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"Parents today try too hard to be superhuman, often sacrificing their own well-being -- and relationships with friends, family, even their spouses -- to meet the ever-increasing demands of their children's lives. Of course, such efforts inevitably fall short, and parents blame themselves.
Mommy Guilt encourages parents to let go of unobtainable (and ill-advised) goals in favor of parenting philosophies that concentrate on the whole family. This eye-opening book presents the results of an original, never-before-published nationwide survey of over 1,300 parents -- 96% of whom reported they felt guilty about some aspect of parenting. The most common include yelling, family time, work choices, school, and sports. Mommy Guilt offers straightforward principles for handling these and many other common issues -- as well as for dealing with everyday challenges that frequently add up to feelings of guilt.
Through practical, tried-and-true tips, anecdotes, quizzes, and worksheets, Mommy Guilt illustrates how moms can fend off the guilt and focus on what really matters."
- Sales Rank: #963097 in eBooks
- Published on: 2005-04-08
- Released on: 2005-04-08
- Format: Kindle eBook
Amazon.com Review
Mommy Guilt looks like it might be one of the new breed of literate mother essay books, the kind in which writers wittily divulge those moments in which they weren't, well, perfect moms. Rather than a collection of essays, Mommy Guilt is a self-help book that aims to guide the time-deprived and stressed mom into parenting with her heart rather than her children's soccer schedule. Some techniques – singing show tunes to your recalcitrant middle schooler, for instance – seem less likely than others, and the book finds its greatest successes in the more no-nonsense advice handed down by the three authors, all of whom have raised children of their own.
What makes Mommy Guiltinteresting on a social anthropology level is that it weaves in experiences of real moms who responded to the authors' survey on mothering issues at a range of age levels and situations. The survey questions are included in the back of the book, along with a helpful reference guide for situations ranging from how to handle tantrums in public to how to pick the right preschool. If the writing is sometimes precocious, its intent is to make mothers let go of the guilt that causes them to enjoy parenting less than they might otherwise, a sort of light-hearted literary jibe at how seriously moms can take the steady collection of dust bunnies and laundry piles over their children's (and their own) emotional well-being. One of the book's more unique features is a section on how to sustain a relationship with one's spouse, something that any parent, but particularly new or first-time parents, would find useful. – Megan Halverson
Review
Charlotte Parent: "...covers life’s most stressful parenting issues with a welcome sense of balance and humor. Moms will find loads of practical advice and strategies."
From the Inside Flap
Have you ever felt that to be a good parent, you need to be superhuman? Like millions of parents, you’ve got Mommy Guilt: a feeling that your family is suffering because you can’t do everything.
The authors of Mommy Guilt wanted to know what causes these potentially overwhelming feelings. They performed a thorough survey of more than 1,300 parents, and the results point to many factors, some of the most common being yelling, lack of family time, work choices, and tension over school and extracurricular issues. Mommy Guilt explores these factors and many others and offers seven straightforward principles for turning our hectic, stressed, guilt-inducing ways of life into more nurturing, healthful experiences for ourselves and our families.
"Mommy Guilt is a book whose time has come. The seven principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy are clearly and precisely stated and the language empowers moms with children between the ages of two through twelve and even beyond." —Patricia Henderson Shimm, Associate Director, Barnard College Toddler Center; author, Parenting Your Toddler
"Helpful hints and a hopeful message for self-doubting mothers: Get Over It! Guilt is the most useless emotion in the world." —Ann Crittenden, author, The Price of Motherhood and If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything
"This volume provides overstressed parents with developmentally appropriate guidance, information, and activities, all designed to increase the joys and satisfactions of being a parent in today’s world." —Phyllis M. Cohen, Associate Clinical Professor, Child Study Center, Yale University School of Medicine
Julie Bort is an educator and internationally published journalist with substantial expertise and experience in survey research. She is the mother of two daughters. Aviva Pflock is a certified parent-education and child-development specialist with a focus on early childhood education. She is the mother of two daughters and one son. Devra Renner, MSW, is a clinical social worker who works with children and their families in school, community, home, summer camp, and hospital settings. She is the mother of two sons.
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
One of the best resources in my library!
By rebelmomof2
As a mom of twin preschoolers, I devour mommy books ~~ simply because there are days when it's so chaotic that I need to read to clear my head. This book ~~ highly recommended to my local chapter by the national chapter of Mothers & More ~~ is definitely a godsend. This book zeroes in exactly some of my worst guilts and these fabulous authors set the record straight!
Moms are often targeted by different sources to feel guilty ~~ if they spend more time cleaning the house than with the kids, they feel guilty that they're short-changing the kids. If they work outside the home, they feel guilty for not being there with their kids or they feel guilty that they're enjoying work. Moms feel guilty over disciplining their kids. Moms feel guilty, period. It must be one of those requirements of motherhood ~~ you will feel guilt. At one time or another.
These authors not only tell you to relax ~~ your feelings are valid ~~ but they also offer you suggestions that they have gleamed from their friends, experiences and from talking with other moms. This book is chock full of experiences ~~ from moms dealing with potty training, breast-feeding to raising teenagers, to having a blended family and so on. Their advice are practical and common sensical. They also interject humor as well ~~ life doesn't need to be so serious, so lighten up!
The seven principles of the Mommy-Guilt Free philosophy couldn't have come at a better time for me personally. They are really simple and I would list the basic principles here ~~ but you really need to get a copy of this book for yourself to read more in-depth of what these authors are talking about. It's that good!
Some of the basic principles are: You must be willing to let some things go. Parenting is not a competitive sport. Laugh alot especially with your children, and so on. (These are the ones that I need the most right now ~~ however, I plan to apply the other principles as needed!) This book isn't a book to read once ~~ this is a book that you probably will need to thumb through over and over again throughout your life with your children. This is also a book you might want to pass down to your children ~~ life is too short to live with guilt. And this is a pretty good start to work on getting rid of unnecessary guilt!
So, if anyone wants to borrow my copy, I will have to say, sorry. My copy is not for loan ~~ I know that I will need it over and over again. This is definitely a must-have for every mom (even dads have guilt and there is a section on that too!) ~~ even if you don't think you need it. It's just a great refresher on parenting!
10-24-05
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Ditch the guilt, keep the kids
By R. Gjendem
Finally, a book that doesn't judge, preach or presume to have all the answers. No "my way or the highway" attitude. No labels. No guilt!
It's simple, sane, subdued. It's the voice of reason and common sense from those in the trenches with us. The real-life examples come from the authors' lives or some of the 1,300 parents they surveyed. They show Mommy Guilt Scenarios (run late, get mad, yell at kids, feel guilty). Then they twist the lens just a hair and show Mommy Guilt-Free Scenarios (different ways to perceive and react that make more sense and less guilt). Simple. Powerful.
They list Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy. The list looks like it should be cross-stitched, framed and hung in the kitchen next to the one about "sweeping and dusting can wait 'til tomorrow." Who really believes that? Well, they show how to apply each principle. The underlying message throughout is, "You are not alone. It's OK. You're doing a great job. Forgive yourself. Stop feeling guilty."
One mother said, "Although I love my son, I hate changing diapers. I hate giving baths. I hate messy meal times. Then I hate myself for hating these things." Does anyone really love cleaning shrapnel from poop bombs? Does anyone really love stinking like poop, pee and puke? I think not.
Here's the kicker: "The guilt trap frequently snaps shut when we second-guess ourselves." To me, this is worth the price of the book. Other things may speak to other readers, but this spoke to me. Second-guessing is what parenting guilt is all about for me.
Will this book make everything better? No. Will it make us stop yelling? Probably not. But it will show us how to better equip ourselves to handle things responsibly without being crippled by guilt.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
It's about time!
By Laurel Smith
I wish I'd read a book like this when I was a new mom. I could have saved myself a lot of grief -- and guilt! I still feel a teensy bit guilty thinking of all the energy I've wasted on guilty feelings in past years when I could have been enjoying parenthood so much more. But no longer! Mommy Guilt has taught me that I really am doing OK as a parent.
One of my favorite chapters is Chapter 8 "Guilt-Free Pleasure - Time with Your Spouse". It's something that is so important, and at the same time it is such a huge source of guilt for many moms. The "Wife Guilt-Free principles" in that chapter are in line with the "Mommy Guilt-free Principles" in the rest of the book and really get you thinking about what's good for your whole family, including you.
The authors have an easy style and a way of making you feel like you're just talking with a good friend over coffee. I also appreciated the humor sprinkled throughout. Mommy Guilt gives you support and reassurance, so you can really enjoy being a parent instead of being overwhelmed by the small stuff.
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